Reason #1 – Plain and simple: Get back to pure you.

Reason #2 – Clear out your residual self-doubt, so you can get back to pure you.

Even if you confidently believe that you’re ready to move on…

Even if you’re genuinely feeling secure in yourself and taking responsibility for your own feelings…

Even if you’re feeling happily single and ready to mingle…

Here’s a truth: Anytime you have to tell someone “NO, I don’t wanna date you” — there’s residue. It might be a little residual self-doubt, self-criticism, questioning if you made the right decision, telling yourself you’ve made a mistake, guilt for hurting someone else’s feelings, even just guilt for ruining someone’s day. There’s always some residue.

What to do about the residue

Own it. Embrace it. Love the fact that you are a person with plenty of thoughts and emotions. That’s you. That’s who you are. No one else is that same exact mix.

And that it! That’s all you need to do.

But really do it.

It might take an afternoon. It might take two and a half years. But really do it.

Don’t kid yourself if it isn’t true. If you aren’t actually feeling happy about yourself and who you are. That’s something you need to deal with. Contact us or find a therapist to talk about how to get back to pure you.

When do I get to date again?

Whenever you want! It doesn’t mean you can’t see other people or start another relationship soon. It just means you need a little time… a day, a month… it’s different for everyone. But you need a little time to remind yourself why you like yourself. Time to feel like you are not a terrible person. Time to feel happy with who you are. Time to reacquaint yourself with the idea that you truly don’t NEED someone else in your life in order for you to enjoy your life.

The point of “getting back to you” is this:

• (A) to ensure that the next phase of your life is more amazing than any before because you’re living forward; and
• (B) to ensure that the next person you meet is the best relationship you’ve ever been in.

Okay, then how can I “get back to pure me?”

Just live. We know that part can be hard. Seriously, talk to us if you want help with that. Or talk to a counselor. Or talk to your friends.

Talk about what you love about life, what you’re enjoying lately, what you’ve discovered that you love about yourself.

And honestly, yes… Sometimes you can date other people to help give you perspective. If you actually feel like you’re happily enjoying your life and your self, then date around. Date around and remember what you like and don’t like in a relationship. Remind yourself what you like and don’t like about yourself when you allow another person to become the center of your world. Through that, remind yourself what it feels like to be free, so you more fully know what you enjoy about others.

Or, if it’s better for you… Maybe you’ll benefit most from staying fully single during your time of re-acquaintance with yourself. Perhaps a moratorium on romance is more helpful to get you fully in touch with yourself. No matter who you are, you will become more of “pure you” by not allowing someone else to distract you from what you like about yourself.

Take it slow. Don’t try to rush. Have fun.

Truly, the goal is to have fun. Imagine this… you take time and learn to really enjoy life, and then you meet someone new.

The time you were single was fun. And you during that time you learned how to enjoy life, which prepared you to be a healthier person in a healthier relationship. Then your new relationship instantly starts from a better position because you are now more ready than ever to truly enjoy life with a partner, because you’ve practiced and know how to enjoy life on your own.

There’s no wrong way to do this, other than to not do it. Again, be honest with yourself. The only people who do it “wrong” are the ones who think they’re doing it, but actually aren’t. Here are two examples of “wallowing” while pretending to enjoy being single:

• Spending your “single” time on dating apps to feel like there’s still someone out there for them— that doesn’t progress you, that distracts you from enjoying who YOU are.
• Spending too much time with friends or with Netflix or with shopping. None of those are bad things or wrong ways to spend time, unless you’re using them for soothing instead of enjoyment.

Don’t distract yourself from facing yourself. Instead, find a little happiness in who you are, without distraction, and THEN do the things that you enjoy because you enjoy them, not because they numb or distract you.

Take that time. Admit to yourself where you currently are, then build yourself back up to a place of enjoyment of your own life.

You deserve to be with someone who enjoys the real version of you. And you’ll stand a much better chance of finding that person, when you actually enjoy the real version of you. So, get back to pure you before you jump into a full-on relationship with a new lover. And if you want help, let us know.